The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
