I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
