i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
