so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish there were birth control emojis
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
