Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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