whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
