I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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