He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
