we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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