um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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