No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
