i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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