Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
