Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
