This girl is more easily done than said...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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