I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
