I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
