community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
either way he was missing a nipple.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
