I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
