Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
either way he was missing a nipple.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
