so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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