My brain says no but my pants say off.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
