i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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