Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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