yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
