Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
