Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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