Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize