she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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