just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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