are you still at the devil's house?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
