The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
