Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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