Apparently you make a good broom.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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