Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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