Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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