Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
