I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
