New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
