the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she smelled like a LAN party
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize