I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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