Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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