I accidentally burped into my bong.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
