You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
