I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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