It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
