I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
