based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
