Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
