either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
