I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
