i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
