Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
accomplished twins. life is a go
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize