yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
