why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
