My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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