Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
