You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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