So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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