He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
