fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
