tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
